President Frankenstein

Christmas is just days away. It’s a time for relaxing with family, enjoying some time away from work, and focusing on what’s positive in our lives. There’s no better time of year to look for the good inside any and everyone.

I’ve purposely avoided writing about the presidential race so far, preferring to let it settle a bit. Candidates come and go, rise and fall. It takes some time to get to know them and see them for who and what they really are. I think I’ve watched enough debates, read enough news articles, and listened to enough opinions, both “expert” and layman, to have a pretty good feel for those politicians still standing as we approach the first major milestone in the race, the January 3 Iowa Caucus. As usual, I’m not crazy about any of them. They are politicians after all. Each and every one of them has some flaws, both personal and issue-related, that I don’t like. But as I said, it’s Christmas time. A time to focus on the positive, not the negative. So with that in mind, I give you my own light-hearted look at the perfect candidate – a combination of the best qualities in each of the men and women vying for your vote.

Barack Obama – Always cool, always well spoken and calm under pressure. If words always equaled action, this guy wouldn’t still be under 50% approval ratings. As it stands of course, actions speak a lot louder than words. You’ve got to give him bonus points for knocking off Bin Laden though. I only wish he’d get us out of that God-forsaken land now that the deed is done.

Mitt Romney – Sure, he follows a religion only slightly less kooky than Scientology and he’s done so much political flip-flopping no one is sure what he really stands for, but when was the last time we had a legitimate presidential candidate that looked so… presidential? The height, the hair, the teeth, the physique. At least the man looks the part.

Ron Paul – OK, he’s 76 years old and doesn’t support the banking regulations I believe are one of this country’s biggest needs, but for anyone that wants a straight talking leader that’s serious about reducing our debt, reducing the size of our government, increasing personal liberties, and stopping the massive flow of American money into foreign lands, Ron is your guy.

Newt Gingrich – Yes, Newt is only a half-step up the personal integrity ladder from John Edwards, but there’s something to be said for experience and Newt has more of it than any other person in the race. We’re all aware of how little gets accomplished when Congress and the President are on opposite sides of an issue. If anyone can work through the labyrinth that is Congressional leverage, it’s Newt.

Rick Perry – This year’s version of George W. Like our former president, he’s a hard-headed Texan with more balls than sense, but there’s something to be said for a man that stakes his ground and sticks to his guns. You might not like what he stands for, but at least he doesn’t pretend he’s something he’s not.

Michele Bachmann – She and her husband apparently believe you can pray your way out of being gay and she tends to leave a disconcerting Sarah Palin-like aftertaste, but she’s anti-big government and wants to cut both taxes and spending so she can’t be all bad.

Rick Santorum – Virtually unknown outside his home state of Pennsylvania, where he lost his last Senate race by 17%, Rick hasn’t really improved his chances with lackluster debate performances. Nevertheless, he’s a staunch conservative with a strong anti-abortion record so if that’s your hot button issue, you might want to get to know more about him.

John Huntsman – Like Romney, Huntsman is a Mormon and considered too liberal by many of the more conservative members of the Republican party. He’s well spoken, has a solid record of reducing taxes during his one term as the governor of Utah, and has valuable foreign policy experience thanks to his term as ambassador to China under Obama before leaving that position to run against him in the current election.

Gary Johnson – Gary who? I know, many of you probably haven’t heard much if anything about this former governor of New Mexico, but he’s officially running for the Republican nomination and like Ron Paul, is really a Libertarian in disguise. He did an excellent job of cutting spending during his two terms as governor and advocated legalization of marijuana as an alternate approach to fighting the Mexican drug cartels. Due to his lack of national recognition and what appears to be a disorganized campaign, he’s only appeared alongside his fellow candidates in two of the debates so far. It is widely believed he will announce his departure from the Republican race in a scheduled December 28 press conference and run instead as a Libertarian candidate.

So there you have it, something nice about every one of our potential presidents. Sadly, we can’t combine those aspects into one candidate, but hopefully whoever does get elected will do more for 99% of us than what we’ve seen from our current president in the past three years. That would make for a Merry Christmas indeed.